NOLA Show Rundown.

We got to the gallery early because I wanted to put my props in the backstage or dressing room or back room ect.
The people that were working behind the counter of the gallery were to put it nicely kind of shitty.When I walked in to the place early they raised their eyebrows and said “Can I help youuuuu?” I told them year I was one of the performers and did they have a backstage or a dressing room I could put my bag with my prints and prop in.They told me no I’d have to use the bathroom and I could store my bag under the stage that it’s safe there.Mind you this high class gallery is about a block down or two from the NOLA Mission.AKA crack head hobo sleepy nappy time place.
We waited around a bit to make the gallery people uncomfortable till Steven and Khristina showed up.It was so awesome to see Steven again and Khristina was uber nice.Mum and I also got to see a few other folks we know from the nola area like my friend Suzie Q,my friend Mark and we also got to meet Alas Vera who is a Photographer and also “LSW” who is a fellow Louisianan and visual artist.
After a bit it was time for me and Steven to go on stage.I did my Devil’s Plaything act for the first time.There was a tarp on the floor *which it’s kind of funny that things have to be covered in plastic when people know me and Steven will be over,case somebody is gonna bleed somewhere.LOL* which kept catching on my high heels so I just kicked them off.I do my thing and then Steven gets up there to do his thing.I would be the lucky gal to get to cut on Steven while he gives his reading.
He gets up there and starts reading and I start cutting,Steven does what he’s good at which is yelling and bleeding.I really have a hostility towards New Orleans so I didn’t bleed on anything,because I just don’t like the city or the attitude of the people there,NOLA feels the same way about me I’m sure.Everybody thinks of Nola as a freaking Poppy Z Brite romantic city.The majority of these people are NOT Louisiana natives.If you are a Louisiana native you know NOLA is just a crime,piss,crack and I was gonna say tourist filled thing/city but they don’t have the tourist anymore.
Anyhoo sorry I went off on one of my tangents.Steven gets up there and is giving readings from his book.
While he’s speaking I see something white out of the corner of my eye fly towards Steven’s boob.I have on my contacts and I can’t see crap without my glasses.I see that and Steven doesn’t react so I think it must be maybe somebody throwing up extra rubber gloves or maybe napkins because at this point blood is dripping on the floor from his chest.
He finishes,people clap and this is in a gallery.So the stage is in the middle of the place and it’s intimate enough where you can hear people talking to you if you are on stage.
Steven finishes and like I said people clap and this guy that sort of looks like Buddy Holly with short curly light brown hair.Kind of like Buddy Holly with a fro.LOL.He was a fairly thin white guy but didn’t look like say a gutter punk or anything,hell he was dressed better then me.LOL So Buddy Holly with a fro is standing a few people deep back of the stage on the right.
Buddy Holly with a fro yells out to Steven “why didn’t he memorize it and why did he have to read it out of the book?I thought you were plagiarizing this whole time”.Ok again I still don’t think anything is really “happening” because it’s not like that is a witty heckle or something.
Steven said something like who wrote what he just said.Steven said he did and that he was the Last American Painter *which is the title of his book,his book which also happens to be about a thick as a bible*.Steven holds up the book at this point Buddy Holly with a fro is standing on the steps to the stage and takes the books out of Steven’s hand.The whole time I’m standing there with the scalpel up like I had it when Steven was reading and am thinking “I think this guy is starting shit,and if he does something like tries to say touch Steven’s cuts or God forbid tries to spit on them or something I’m gonna have to stab him”.
At this point when I look Buddy Holly with a fro is further back.He tosses Steven back his book and he goes back towards where he was standing before with some other guy he was with.Ok at this point I realize that something just “happened”.Buddy Holly with a fro mumbles something and Steven tells him “Ok well then you are next” meaning he was next to get cut on by me.Buddy Holly with a fro being the dumb ass he is said “Next for what” I tell him “you are next to get cut!” because again at this point I realize that Buddy Holly with a fro is causing shit and is a potential danger to both me and Steven.
Well Buddy Holly with a fro must have tried to put his two cents in again.Because next thing I know I see “LSW” like shoving Buddy Holly with a fro towards the door.He was sort of escorting him out like a bouncer would.The I see awesomeness “LSW” sort of opens the door with the Buddy Holly with a fro’s body body and then WHAM makes Buddy Holly with a fro’s face and body eat the sidewalk.
Naturally Buddy Holly with a fro and his friend leave.
I continue to help clean Steven and his dirty pillows up and slather him with ointment so he don’t catch the black plague just from the NOLA air.
Steven asks me if I saw when the guy threw a PIECE OF BANANA at him.I’m like is THAT what that was?WTF?????? I remembered seeing Khristina eating a Banana earlier in the night.
Then I notice the people that were working at the gallery counter all in a tizzy while talking to Khristina,the lady didn’t look happy and there were other people around her with the looks of concern,most of the shows that people like myself or Steven do sometimes are kind of sort of guerrilla shows.Meaning the person that owns the club or venue doesn’t know exactly what will go on till they see it unfolding.
I think maybe they are worried because maybe they were weird out over weird people cutting on other weird people,or maybe they were scared Steven was hurt or something and I naturally ASSUME that they are freaked out because somebody just came to their gallery.
They were upset because “LSW” was mean to Buddy Holly with a fro and the gallery people were friends with the guy with Buddy Holly with a fro!
I repeat they were NOT mad at the guy who threw half eaten food at my friend who had OPEN WOUNDS on him.They were upset at the ONLY person who got said idiot out of there.The female bartender was also hugely upset because she was either friends with Buddy Holly with a fro or his friend or both of them.
Once we all went outside and Steven came and sat in my car with me and my mother we all started talking like WTF just happened there.
My mother says when she was outside earlier Buddy Holly with a fro was out there.He was putting food out on the street and was sort of messing around near the trash can outside.My mother being nosey asks him WTF he’s doing putting food out on the street for no reason.His reply is “I feed the squirrels”.
He feeds the fucking squirrels,again WTF!!!
I then find out from Khristina that Buddy Holly with a fro is a guy she didn’t know but ran into at a cafe that morning.He pinned a dollar on het because it was her birthday so she being polite invited him to the event with me and Steven that night and she knew the crazy Buddy Holly with a fro was with.Buddy Holly with a for even brought a basket of fruit to Khristina and told her for “her guest”.
After all this we all put two and two together that Buddy Holly with a fro had maybe got the discarded banana out of the trash and for whatever reason decided it would be smart to throw it at Steven.
And that kids is why I hate NOLA.LOL
It was great to get the hand out with all our friends from NOLA and Khristina like I said was uber nice.I think she was relived that we found the whole situation to be pretty damn hilarious.Cause it was! My mother teased me and Steven all night that the guy was throwing “Squirrel food” at us.
I’m like Steven if we didn’t have witness to some of our antics nobody would believe the bizarre crap that happens to us.
I still wonder if Buddy Holly with a fro planed ahead to have his freak out or if he just got there and thought OMG I hate this I’m going to throw a piece of banana.Maybe just maybe some people get so mad at something the ONLY solution to the problem is to throw a piece of Banana.It’s the only key that will unlock their discomfort.HAHAHHA
Anyway it was pretty funny.
You can see a few pic’s from the show here

~ by Ugly Shyla on December 5, 2008.

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