Funny “Gallery Application to hang/display artists work.”

Hilarious but sadly true “Gallery Application to hang/display artists work. or it is YOU who needs to SUBMIT!”My friend Shane wrote up.It’s makes me giggle like a happy but mean little girl.
Gallery Application to hang/display artists work.

By Shane Bugbee

Although we are always busy actively seeking new opportunities to pay the bills, we do periodically review additional opportunities submitted to us. For consideration, you may email a link to your actual accomplishments that includes a resume, the galleries statement on intent and a list of past sales… more of what we need from you, the gallery, is listed below.

accomplishments are defined by what you have done, not what you have bought… paying rent on a storefront is NOT considered an accomplishment, it’s just paying the bills.

Due to the large number of bills we receive, please understand that it is not possible for the artist to critique your gallery on a face to face honest basis… if we find that you can sell more than blow hot air, we will contact you with further information on how we might might work together.

We cannot be held responsible for irresponsible behavior on our part, it’s best to make friends with us, as you know, artist seldom give a fuck, unless of course you’re buying dinner or buying art… and we can be real assholes if you get on our bad side – so again, it’s a smart idea to be our friend and not our enemy… remember, creative class trumps ruling class.

submissions should include:

– slides, photographs, cd or dvd of your bank statements.

– a list of those nasty hidden costs you might try to hit the artist up for in lieu of actual sales.

– a list of any and all bills associated with your overhead.

– current resume for you, the gallery, and all of its sales associates.

– sales associates must provide hidden camera proof that they are pleasant and helpful rather than high-handed elitists, knowledgeable rather than pushy, who are not just putting in their time, chewing gum and /or on their cell phone.

– gallery’s statement of intent.

– gallery’s ethics statement, as in exploitation ethics.

– a list of your expectations, including but not limited to your cut and again, hidden costs.

– a minimum of 13 recent images of your gallery (watercolor, screen-prints, black and white pinhole camera prints, etc…. digital not accepted.)

– proof of insurance, fire/flood coverage and security.

– proof of press coverage, not just for your storefront turned gallery, but for any artists/creators. (if available)

– proof of sales, including price list.

– graph with the percentage of natural creatives, crafters and professional artists you have represented, and more importantly how you have made it worth their time and effort to be involved with your gallery.

– references from other creatives and professional artists.

– dimensions of gallery and roofing materials used.

– A cash submission fee of $125.00 is required for ALL… this is non-refundable and will be applied to the time it takes us to set up this deal.

– if you request a list of materials used in the art, that’s like asking coke-a-cola for it’s formula, you know, trade secrets and all… so you best have a secret or a recipe or three to trade and we’re gonna need to do that over dinner, a nice dinner, not a burger fries kinda dinner… and yes, the dinner is on you.

– if you choose to keep, hold or harm, or disrespect the artwork – expect the same with your child, or wife, or hubby or loved one, or thing… and if none of that satisfies our primal need for revenge, we’ll send in huge ass bikers on free wine and cheese night to realign your perspective – if you know what we mean.

thank you for your cooperation – creative class trumps ruling class studios


friends and fellow creators – do what thou will!

corporations and bankers and social media zillionaires – fuck off, use and we’ll get you.


this is more of a statement as to who should submit to who… even though, I think I’ll send it out to some local art shops and see how they roll.

what’s the fuckin point? I think the application process is a joke and worse, it’s all about making the artist question themselves and they do enough of that.

I gotta say, I don’t see me working with ANY galleries in the near future…. I’ve been on all ends of this game – seller, buyer, owner, exploiter and now possibly exploited… at this point I think making my own gallery is the goal, one gallery, one artist… I’ll create my own spot by my own rules and I don’t need an application for that, just a rent check and poof, I’m a gallery owner.

of course, if you’re a gallery that has sales and a decent sense of humor and a respect of who you try to exploit, I’m open to contribute and create and all of that good shit.

~ by Ugly Shyla on March 4, 2011.

One Response to “Funny “Gallery Application to hang/display artists work.””

  1. thanx shyla – you so fuckin rock!!!! mass love to you from us and me.

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