PCOS & That awful second puberty feeling.

Before I post this I just want people to know for the love of God this isn’t a fishing for folks to tell me how pretty they think I am.I’m posting this because I KNOW OTHER WOMEN FEEL the same way.One thing I hate about being “curvy” and also from gaining weight due to PCOS is that it’s like dealing with a second puberty.Everything seems to “fill out” more as you get older.Which sounds like it would be a good thing but it’s not.It makes me feel like I have gone through puberty all over again,with all the awkwardness and wanting to just throw baggy things over myself to hide it.Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to dress or how to fit things while sewing anymore.I’m hourglass shaped which would be AWESOME if this was 1950 but it’s not,because of that the measurement between my bust and hips in proportion to my waist is much different.Which again would be cool if this was 1950 or it’s cool for photoshoots but makes me feel awkward in everyday life.For example my bust is a cup size bigger then it was in my early 20’s when I assumed everything “stopped growing”.Being busty and curvy in the first place is bad enough,but when it increases after you ASSUME it’s stopped,again it’s awkward for lack of a better word.It’s hard even getting adjusted to the fact you or body parts occupy more space.I hit puberty around 11 so that was horrifying enough to deal with,but it’s like another round of it.Thankfully I look cranky enough,and I dress modestly enough I don’t have to deal with men or women making comments about my bra size or my shape or weight.But I know it’s there and that annoys me enough.Being a alt model since I was in my early 20’s and knowing that people can also watch as my body changed also gives it that awful second puberty feeling.One assumes you outgrow the feeling of being awkward,but one doesn’t seem to.That is one of the reason I’m so obsessed with what is considered awkward or unattractive,if you embrace it you win.Don’t even get me started on the PCOS crap,it makes your body and hormones change really drastically.You body and hormones so stuff that you can’t help gain weight,hot flashes and various health issues which sometimes makes you feel like you are at war with your body.For example it makes it hard to lose weight no matter how much you diet and work out,hair sprouts in weird places * have to shave my arms people,SHAVE MY FUCKING ARMS!*,I also have to take birth control pills for the female hormones *and I’m damn well not going to take that weird ass mess that makes you have no period*.And when you go off said female hormones to have a period *provided my body is nice enough to let me have one period and not more then one a month* I get to experience the reminder of WHY I take them in the first place hot flashes,awful cramps and just general hormonal freak out.Like I said I talked about this publicly not to get people to kiss up to me,but to let other women out there know they aren’t alone if they are dealing with the same thing.
Ugly Shyla

~ by Ugly Shyla on March 25, 2013.

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